


new rules

by montecarlos



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Ex Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montecarlos/pseuds/montecarlos
Summary: It was never Aaron’s intention to fall into bed with him again.It’s like an unspoken rule not to mess around with your ex. But he could never say no to Robert.(Robert and Aaron try to be friends, try being the preemptive word.)





	new rules

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first foray into Emmerdale fic and so understandably, I am nervous as there's so much talent in this fandom. Slight canon and timeline deviations, the story is set after Adam's departure, Aaron has broken up with Alex and Rebecca is still AWOL. I feel it could have gotten darker and more angsty, but I wanted an open ending that the reader could interpret themselves. Title and inspiration from Dua Lipa - New Rules. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

**_  
one. don’t pick up the phone, you know he’s only calling because he’s drunk and alone._** _  
__  
  
__  
_ It was never Aaron’s intention to fall into bed with him again.  
  
It’s like an unspoken rule not to mess around with your ex. But he could never say no to Robert. It was almost as though there was a coiled red string that pulled them back against each other, keeping them in each other’s orbit. He’d told himself he was happier without Robert, that it was over - just _mates_ \- but the words had stung his lips even then as he said them. The label already seems to be peeling away from the edges, his mask dropping as Robert smiled at him - a half smirk, the one that Aaron used to kiss away.  
  
He knows what his mum would say. She would remind him of tear filled eyes, of the nights spent in his old bedroom curled up in rumpled sheets with his heart broken. But she never knew the whole story, never knew of the nights that Robert would press him into the bedsheets, smiling down at him with half-lidded eyes and swollen lips. But none of that matters now.  
  
_New Message: Robert_  
  
_We’re mates_ , Aaron had told himself as he had checked his phone, ignored the brick wallpaper he’d installed in place of the photo of himself and Robert on their wedding day. It seemed so long ago, he’s forgotten what it was like to wake up next to Robert, how their lips felt against each other, how his wedding ring glinted in the early morning sunlight that used to sneak through the crack in the curtains.  
  
He wants to ignore it - like he wanted to ignore the new notification that buzzed through a moment later. His mum had leaned in, wide smile on her face.  
  
“Alright, love. Do you want another pint?”  
  
Aaron was about to reply when his phone pings once more. His mum raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Someone’s keen tonight. Is it Alex-”  
  
“Mum,” Aaron says, shaking his head.  
  
Alex.  
  
Alex, the nice doctor who had been there when the pain was still fresh, the man with the nice smile, dependable, _nice, nice nice_ \- he was too nice, too normal for Aaron. Maybe that was what he needed, Liv and his mum certainly thought so - but Aaron didn’t think it was fair to drag a guy like Alex along, to leave his heart shattered in pieces as his own was.  
  
“I told you, I ended it with Alex a few days ago,” Aaron continues, watching the smile on her face drop away.  
  
“Was it because of _him_?”  
  
She won’t even say his name, she wants to pretend that he doesn’t exist. There’s times that Aaron wants to do the same - wants to pretend that Rebecca didn’t happen, that Paddy wasn’t screaming in pain on the floor, that Chrissie didn’t stare at him with hate-filled eyes. But he doesn’t want to - he knows he’d rather remember blue-green eyes, swollen lips, rumpled sheets, smiles in the early morning.  
  
“Mum, Robert had nothing to do with it. I just want to get over him on my own terms,” He pretends not to see her flinch at his name hanging in the air.  
  
“So, who was texting you?” She asks, her dark eyes boring into him.  
  
“I-” Aaron begins, before his phone rings. Robert’s name flashes across his screen as he snatches it up hurriedly, but not before his mum catches those six letters, that name that caused so much hurt, on the screen. He tries to ignore her glare as he answered the call.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“A’ron?”  
  
His voice was slurred, quiet. He speaks of how much he missed Aaron, of happier times. Aaron turns away from the bar, away from his mum’s thunderous expression to try get some privacy. “Robert? What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothin’. I just missed you,”  
  
Bitten lips. He had to pretend that those words mean nothing now - they’re just _mates_ now - that’s what they agreed, that it was better for both of them. “Robert, I-”  
  
“Missed your face,” Robert cuts in as though he hasn’t heard. He _giggles_ \- straight up giggles - and Aaron feels something warm curl in his chest. “Just feeling a bit lonely,”  
  
That sealed their fate together that night. Aaron found Robert a little worse for wear, curled up on the cricket pavilion with half a bottle of whiskey and half-lidded eyes. He managed to say something about Rebecca leaving in a blur of baby blankets and heavy perfume. He smiled up at Aaron, something burning in his blue-green eyes, a question of sorts. Aaron’s hand ended up curled around Robert’s, steadying the older man as they walked back to Mill Cottage. Aaron remembers Robert’s breath against his neck - just _there_ , the thread of Robert’s expensive spicy cologne drifting up over him.  
  
Aaron barely got Robert through the front door, boots kicked off when his ex husband’s chapped dry lips met his own. He wants to push Robert away - they weren’t supposed to _be_ this anymore, weren’t supposed to do this anymore. But Robert felt so good against him, a breathily sigh brushing against the crease of his lips, Robert’s hands fisting into his hoodie as though he would collapse and Aaron forgets everything in that moment.  
  
He knows that they shouldn’t do this. Robert is drunk, all glassy eyes and a lopsided smile that only he can pull off - but that doesn’t stop his hand curling around Aaron’s, tugging him up those cursed spiral stairs. He should say no, he should stop this but he can’t. His hands find Robert’s shoulders, pulling him in for a kiss, his chest twisting as their lips connect. His skin burns from Robert’s touch.  
  
“Want you,” Robert whispers against his lips.  
  
They’re _mates_. Until they’re not, until Aaron’s kissing Robert’s neck, pressing him into the rumpled sheets of his bed - the bed that used to be _theirs_ , his fingers sliding underneath Robert’s jeans.  
  


* * *

 

They wake up the next morning tangled up in the sheets together. Robert blinks away sleep, pushes a hand through messy blonde hair, hair that Aaron used to love running his fingers through - 

  
There’s a mark on Robert’s neck - a mark he remembers leaving last night, remembers his lips connecting with Robert’s skin, remembers the groan he pulled from his ex-husband’s mouth.

  
Like old times.  
  
But they’re not together anymore, the ring hasn’t been on Aaron’s finger for months. They’re over. But Aaron stares at Robert - blonde hair lightly illuminated by the dim morning light, at the creases on his face from the pillow - and he doesn’t know what to feel.  
  
“Mornin’, _mate_ ,” Robert’s smirk is languid, teasing, daring.  
  
Mates. It feels like a lie.  
  


* * *

**_  
two. don’t let him in, you’ll have to kick him out again._ ** _  
_ _  
  
_ _  
_ The second time isn’t so much of an accident as it is an intention.  
  
Aaron’s been keeping his distance ever since that night. It’s easy to pretend that work and Liv are taking up all of his free time, to stay at the bar and listen to his mum bend his ear about finding a new man when Robert and Victoria share drinks in the corner. It’s harder than he thought it would be. Reminders of Robert seem to be everywhere - from the handwritten crumpled note that reads _I love you my beautiful husband_ he finds under the bed, to the steaming cup of Americano that Liv orders at the cafe.  
  
The night they spent together before was the spark needed to reignite. Yet, Aaron still tells himself that they’re mates - mates who happen to keep snogging outside the pub in a darkened corner, pulling away from swollen lips, eyes meeting over a half empty pint glass.

It doesn’t take long for the two of them to find their way back to each other. 

A soft knock on the door. Hesitant, almost in thought.  
  
Aaron knows it’s not Liv leaving her keys behind, she’d be pounding on the door - _it’s bloody freezing outside, let me in, ya idiot_ \- but curiosity overwhelms him as he wrenches the door open. Robert stands in front of him, drenched through to the bone, but wearing a toothy grin and carrying a six pack of beer.  
  
“Robert, what are you doing here?” Aaron says, the words catching in his throat.  
  
“Thought we could spend some time together, ya know, what mates do and that,” Robert replies, his lips curling into a smile.  
  
_Mates_ . Aaron doesn’t miss the slight upturn of his ex-husband’s mouth at the word. But he still stands to the side, lets Robert in - feels the corner of his jacket brush against his hip and something curls in his chest, something he doesn’t want to think about. He’s not sure why he’s letting Robert in again, both physically and mentally.  
  
It doesn’t take long for their lips to meet. Aaron could blame it on the beer - but he’s only had three cans. Robert’s lips are warm and chapped underneath his own. Aaron finds his hands fisting into the soft hair that curls at the back of Robert’s neck, pulling a gentle sigh from the older man’s open mouth. He tastes of beer and of something that Aaron can’t quite place.  
  
“Aaron,” Robert’s voice is soft and Aaron almost forgets that this isn’t their life anymore, that they’re not together anymore, their fingers heavy with rings, that he walked away from everything. But Robert looks at him through thick eyelashes and none of that matters.  
  
“We shouldn’t,” Robert begins, pulling away.  
  
Aaron’s gaze slides over slick lips, dampened by saliva, shining in the dim light of the Mill. Robert meets his gaze, blue-green eyes soft, hesitant. Aaron can see the inner battle within his ex-husband, wondering if he’s making the right choice.  
  
His fingers slide down to the hem of Robert’s shirt, closing around the soft cotton. Robert exhales softly as Aaron tugs it away, bare skin glowing under the light. Aaron feels slightly breathless, staring at the freckled chest. But Robert’s hand fists into Aaron’s henley, pulls him in, lips connecting, hands roaming over skin he never thought he’d touch again.  
  
They fall into each other on the couch, lips dancing over each other. Robert’s hands feel like fire against his skin, his breath moving against his cheek as Aaron works open Robert’s trousers. His fingers tremble slightly as he slowly pulls them down, wonders if he’s doing the right thing.  
  
“We can stop if you want,” Robert says, quietly.  
  
Aaron looks at him in disbelief. There was a time that Robert would do anything to be in this position - he was the one who came after him, pushed him and bent him to the point where he needed Robert more than oxygen. But the Robert that looks down at him now is different - but he’s still the man that Aaron loves, that he’s in love with.  
  
“Shut up,” Aaron says, gruffly as he pushes Robert into the cushions.  
  
Everything seems to pass in a blur after that - Aaron finds himself pinning Robert against the couch, his tongue swirling over the skin of warm thighs, smiling at the gasps he pulls from swollen lips. Robert’s back arches up against the cushions of the couch, hands fisting into Aaron’s hair.  
  
“A-Aaron-” Robert gasps out. “Please,”  
  
Aaron grins, licking a stripe over Robert’s freckled pale skin. He knows he shouldn’t do this, keep going back to the man who broke his heart but it’s _Robert_ \- Robert, the man who managed to snatch his heart away late at night in a barn, a man who dived into a lake and retrieved the ring, a ring that meant so much to them both.  
  
It’s twin is still on Robert’s finger. Aaron can see it glinting in the light as Robert’s hand moves, tracing over his skin and committing every touch to memory. As though he’s waiting for the moment that Aaron will walk out of his life again and leave him with nothing but memories.  
  
Aaron pushes the thoughts away, stays in the moment with Robert. Hands on warm skin, lips on one another, just them.  
  
And Aaron feels like he’s home once more.

* * *

  
The next morning, Aaron wakes up to an empty bed. He rolls over, smile curling over his lips as his hand moves to swipe across the sheets where Robert had fallen asleep last night. The sheets are cold, they have been for a while.  
  
Aaron’s brow furrows. Did he imagine it? Did Robert leave already? Aaron tries not to imagine Robert doing the walk of shame back to Vic’s - messy hair, rumpled shirt, the bruise that Aaron had left on the side of his collarbone. He presses a hand through his hair, ruffling the curls as he pads his way downstairs.  
  
He expects silence, but he’s met with the faint sound of the radio on, the crackling of something in a pan. Aaron feels his eyes widen as he drinks in the sight of Robert standing in front of him, clothed in nothing but a pair of patterned boxers - _with pineapples on them_ \- frying up some bacon and eggs, humming along to Little Mix.  
  
“Morning,” Robert says, grinning widely at Aaron’s dumbfounded look. “Thought I’d make us breakfast,”  
  
Aaron feels the words catch in his throat. It’s frightening domestic seeing Robert in his kitchen, cooking him breakfast, like nothing happened between them. Aaron tries not to stare at the curve of Robert’s arse against the thin cotton, the freckles splayed out across pale skin… his thoughts are interrupted as Robert slides a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. It’s easy to pretend that this is their life.  
  
“Eat up then, _mate_ ,” He winks.  
  
Aaron honestly wants to punch him, and he would, if Robert didn’t make the best breakfast.  
  


* * *

  
“So what now?” Aaron asks, taking a sip of his tea.  
  
Robert raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”  
  
“As nice as this domestic whatever is, we slept together twice now,” Aaron says, meeting his ex-husband’s gaze. “That’s not a coincidence,”  
  
“I prefer the term friends with benefits,” Robert replies, the smile twisting on his face. “It’s nothing serious,”  
  
_Easy for you to say that_ , Aaron thinks. Robert has always been a man who views sex differently to everyone else - he uses it as a weapon, as a disguise. It’s easy to pretend to be someone else between rumpled sheets, easy to play the character through open mouthed kisses and sweaty skin. He’s always done it, it’s always been the part Robert has played.  
  
“You didn’t answer my question Robert,”  
  
“We’re just mates having a little fun, that’s all,” Robert says, leaning back on his chair. Aaron can see the bruise standing out almost proudly against his skin. “We’re good at that, aren’t we?”  
  
“Yeah,” The words already feel like a lie. “Yeah, we are,”  
  
And it carries on like that - like a dance, like a secret.  
  


* * *

  
**_three. don’t be his friend, you know you gonna wake up in his bed in the morning._ ** _  
_ _  
  
_ _  
_ They try - they really try to do more things that mates would do. Robert isn’t a person that Aaron can ignore, no matter how much he wants to. He’s been taking his role as a mate very seriously - bringing Aaron cups of coffee in the mornings on his way to pick up the paperwork that needs filing, sending him stupid text messages, hanging out together at the Mill with beer and a takeaway, watching Rocky for the fifteenth time. But it’s strange - Robert’s hand lingers a little too long on Aaron’s when he passes him a beer, his blue-green eyes catch Aaron’s gaze across the pub when they pass one another. And Aaron isn’t stupid. He knows what it all means.  
  
“What is he doing here?” Liv catches them one morning in the cafe - Robert with his Americano and Aaron with his tea (milk, two sugars of course). She glares at Robert, at their empty cups on the table next to them.  
  
“Liv-” Aaron begins.  
  
Robert raises an eyebrow. “Can’t I go for a coffee with a mate?”  
  
“Only, you’re not. You’re his ex-husband, you’re probably just buttering him up to worm your way back into his bed-”  
  
“Liv, that’s enough,” Aaron feels his cheeks flare red, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second. It’s a second enough for Liv to notice, however. Her eyes narrow as she glances between the pair of them.  
  
“You already have, haven’t you?” Her voice is filled with disappointment.  
  
The words won’t leave his mouth. He can’t lie to her, she knows him too well. Aaron can only sit and watch as his little sister turns on her heel and marches out of the cafe, the door slamming shut behind her.  
  
“You should go after her,” Robert says quietly, taking a sip of his Americano. Aaron hates the understanding look in his eyes, the glimpse of the new Robert that he’s heard so much about, that wants to stop hurting people - the man that Aaron didn’t fall in love with all those years ago.  
  
So Aaron does.  
  


* * *

  
“What are you playing at?” Liv is angry, flushed cheeks and dark eyes. “What are you doing going back to him?”  
  
“We’re just mates, Liv! We just had a drunken thing, that’s all!” Aaron hisses back, anger filling his chest.  
  
“He cheated on you, Aaron-”  
  
“I know that,” Aaron feels the sting of tears. “We’ve been through that a thousand times. He hurt me, he hurt you, but I can’t turn off these feelings like you want,”  
  
“So you sleep with him? Pretend like none of this happened?” Liv sneers. She’s hurting - even more so now than she did when she first found out about the betrayal, when Aaron walked away from Robert and his own happiness.  
  
“I’m still in love with him, Liv!” Aaron shouts out.  
  
Time seems to stop in that moment as Liv reels back from his words, as he pants heavily. Robert stands in the doorway behind him, mouth wide open.  
  


* * *

  
Robert leaves almost immediately, before Aaron can call out his name, leaving him standing in the Mill with a wide-eyed Liv. Hurt curls in his chest, through the air as he thinks about the expression on Robert’s face. It wasn’t what he was expecting. It looked almost like heartbreak, like hurt, like Aaron was a bruise that just wouldn’t fade.  
  
“You still love him…” Liv begins, her voice strangely soft. “How? After everything he did to you? To _us_ ?”  
  
“I can’t switch off my feelings like that, Liv,” Aaron says, feeling the sting of tears. “And I know I shouldn’t have slept with him, gone back to him but I-” He feels like he’s suffocating, everything feels blurred and heavy all at once.  
  
They don’t speak much after that - ending up curled up together on the couch under Liv’s duvet, Aaron’s chin resting against the top of his little sister’s head, his chest cut with raw pain and emotion. He knows that Liv wants to ask more questions but for now, they’re allowed to hang in the air unanswered.  
  
The silence stretches out as Liv moves closer to him.  
  


* * *

  
Robert sits alone in his box room at Vic’s house with a cooling cup of coffee in front of him - the silence is welcomed for once. Vic is out at work, Adam gone from their lives - only remembered through the photographs that still litter the mantlepiece, his smiling face in amongst those of Jack, Sarah, Andy in happier times.  
  
It all comes back to _him._  
  
Aaron. The one who had gotten under his skin, the one who had changed everything. He stares down at his bare finger, the skin slightly lighter where the ring used to be - a mark, like Aaron was on his life. No - he was more than that - more like a mark, marks can be washed away, erased - and Aaron never could. Aaron cut him deep, even now.  
_  
__“I am still in love with him,”_  
  
How could he be? After everything Robert put him through? Robert kept him a secret for months, like he was ashamed of him, dragged him through the mess of Katie and her lifeless eyes staring up at him in shame, pointed a gun at him, almost killed the man he considered a father, slept with someone who meant nothing whilst he was struggling to hold on - but Aaron had loved him through everything.  
  
And he’s dragging him along, _still, even now,_ refusing to let him go.  
  
Robert drinks the coffee. It’s cold and bitter against his tongue. Like the cold hard truth.  
  
They’re just friends now, they can’t be anything else.  
  


* * *

  
Robert feels Aaron’s gaze on him as he leans over the counter of the cafe, waiting for his Americano. They’ve been avoiding each other recently - Robert suspects that Aaron is trying to placate an angry Liv, who is probably trying to get him to go out with the doctor again and talk about blood and emergency situations. 

But they can’t hide forever. Vic asks him to go get something of Adam’s from the scrapyard. He wanted to say no but he’d taken one look at her puffy eyes and couldn’t say no. She’d been struggling too, losing the love of her own life, the only difference is that she can never see him again. Robert isn’t sure what is worse - never seeing the person you love again or seeing them move on with their lives, smile over things that aren’t you. But he does it anyway, part of the _new Robert_ , tentatively parking his car in the gravel.  
  
He spots Aaron’s car parked outside, can hear the radio blaring from inside the portacabin, switched onto the Pulse - probably Gerry’s doing, since Aaron has a less than mainstream sort of taste. He feels the breath leave him as his hand wraps around the door handle, as he steps in and takes in the sight of Aaron.  
  
He looks good. Hair slightly tousled and free from gel, the everpresent dark hoodie stretched across his chest, hidden by the luminous orange high-vis vest. One hand is wrapped around a half-eaten bacon sandwich and a car magazine is held in the other, his boot clad feet rest on the top of the desk.  
  
“Gerry, thought you’d never turn up - _oh_ ,” Aaron says, freezing at the sight of Robert. “Wasn’t expecting you here,” He throws the magazine back onto his desk.  
  
Robert shoves his hands into his coat pockets. “Yeah, well, Vic sent me to pick up something of Adam’s and-”  
  
“How is she doing?” Aaron’s voice is strangely soft.  
  
“She’s alright...she’s got me hasn’t she? Both been through heartache recently-”  
  
Robert spots the slip in Aaron’s veneer at his own words.  
  
Aaron takes another bite of his sandwich. He won’t rise to Robert’s words, not anymore, not when it was Robert’s fault that they were both nursing broken hearts and open wounds. “Yeah, I suppose,” He slips out nonchalantly.  
  
Silence stretches out between them.  
  
Aaron _hates_ it.  
  
“Did you mean it?” Robert’s voice breaks the silence. Aaron glances up at him - at the way the light catches his soft blonde hair, at the way his brow furrows. It’s all the things he loves about Robert - loved about Robert.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Aaron feigns ignorance, placing his sandwich down.  
  
“You know what I’m talking about, Aaron. What you said to Liv,” Robert’s voice shakes.  
  
“It was nothing, Robert,” Aaron never thought it would be easy to lie, but it slips off his tongue and shatters the expression on Robert’s face.  
  
“Aaron-” Robert begins. His eyes are watery, full of regret.  
  
Aaron can feel himself breaking. He stands up abruptly, the chair legs squeaking against the linoleum of the portacabin floor. “Just go-”  
  
Robert shakes his head. “Aaron, I’m not leaving until we talk about this-”  
  
Aaron huffs. “Fine. I’ll leave then,” He snaps and moves to push past his ex-husband.  
  
However, as he does so, Robert catches his arm and the memory of three years ago in a darkened garage floods his mind. He remembers Robert’s slightly longer hair, the desire deep in his blue-green eyes, remembers how his chest burned as their lips connected. Robert’s touch feels like fire against his skin, like a white-hot blade pressing on a wound that will never heal.  
  
“Aaron-” Robert’s voice is slightly breathless, as though he’s drowning. “I love you too,”  
  
The words that once filled Aaron with hope, now fill him with anger. “Don’t you dare say that to me,” He snaps.  
  
“But, Aaron, I-”  
  
Aaron silences him with his lips.  
  


* * *

  
Time seems to pause as their lips connect with one another, the only sound is that of the radio playing out some song that was popular five years ago and their wet mouths brushing against each other. It’s like a routine - Robert’s hands, like fire, moving over Aaron’s skin, Aaron’s fingers slowly pulling up Robert’s thin t-shirt over his head. Robert smiles against his lips as Aaron pushes him against his desk, papers falling onto the floor.  
  
They’ve been in this position before, back when the affair was burning bright, sneaking glances and touches and light brushes. It had been hurried back then, like a flash, a fleeting moment. But Robert pulls back, his lips glistening with saliva as he surveys Aaron.  
  
“Aaron-” He whispers breathlessly. His hand moves to fist into the soft curls of Aaron’s hair. “I need you,”  
  
Aaron knows he should say no.  
  
But he can’t, not when he wants it too.  
  
They fuck against the desk and it’s hard and hurried. But it’s over in a flicker, like the blink of an eye. Aaron slumps against Robert, spent, pleasure still pulsing through his body.  
  
“Ya alright?” He drawls out, voice thick as he glances at his ex-husband.  
  
Robert looks at him - as though he’s seeing Aaron for the first time - and leans in to press a gentle kiss against his cheek. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to.  
  
It feels like a goodbye, like a chapter closing.  
  


* * *

  
They steer clear of one another for a few days, as though they’re afraid to be together, exist in the same space. Aaron tries to ignore Liv’s pleas to call Alex again, to give them another chance - _“You gave Robert enough chances,”_ \- ignores the way the words pull on his heart.  
  
But living in the same village as your ex-husband means you can’t stay apart for long. Vic corners him as he’s polishing off a shepherds pie in the Woolpack, appearing as the silverware clatters against his plate.  
  
“I need to talk to you about Robert,” She says, arms folded.  
  
Aaron runs a hand over his face. “Vic, whatever he’s said, it’s over between us and he needs to understand that, not send you to butter me up,”  
  
“She’s told him that she is never coming back,” The words tumble out of Vic’s mouth. “He’s really cut up about it as you’d expect-” She sighs. “I know I shouldn’t ask, but he’s really struggling with things and you said that you were mates now and he doesn’t have anyone else-”  
  
_Mates._  
  
That’s what they’d said wasn’t it? Mates - a facade to wallpaper over the cracks of hidden feelings, a way for them to still see each other, to pretend that they weren’t staring into each other’s eyes, to pretend they weren’t still in love with one another. Aaron wishes it were easier to forget, to pretend that their love had died when he was behind bars, when Robert had drunkenly rolled into bed with a mistake.  
  
“I’ll speak to him,” He says. He’s not sure if he’s saying it to placate Victoria or for himself.  
  


* * *

  
Robert is in the barn of all places - _their barn_ \- and Aaron tries not to think about the reasons why. He looks broken, like he did when Aaron pressed the ring of metal back into his palm, when he decided that it had to end, that he couldn’t keep doing it to himself, to them. “I’m sorry,” Robert says. “I just-” 

He barely reacts as Aaron sits in the hay next to him, pressing their thighs together. “It’s okay,” Aaron says, voice calm and quiet.  
  
Robert doesn’t speak. His other hand moves to gently brush over Aaron’s face, as though he’s seeing him for the first time all over again. Aaron stiffens at the contact. Their eyes connect and everything seems to pause as he takes a shaky breath.  
  
“I’ve lost everything,” His voice is wet. “I’ve lost my mum, Seb, Liv, Andy, _you_ ,” His voice breaks on the last word as his hand falls away.  
  
Aaron misses the warmth of his hand against his face. Robert seems to fold in on himself, his eyes meeting the floor as he moves away. Aaron feels his heart sink at the sight - the old Robert would never do this - but this isn’t the old Robert anymore, the man who would have shoved him into the hay without hesitation, no conversation - this is the _new Robert_ , the Robert who wants to better himself, who wants to be the person he’s always wanted to be. It’s in that moment that Aaron realises he’s just as in love with the new Robert as he was with the old one.  
  
“You’ve haven’t lost me - we’re still mates,” Aaron says, quietly.  
  
“ _Mates_ ,” Robert snorts. “What kind of mate am I? Can’t stop myself sleeping with you, loving you when I should let you go,”  
  
Aaron feels his heart bottom out at Robert’s words. “No-”  
  
“You know,” Robert glances up at him with watery eyes. “When I heard you say you still loved me, I was so happy but - but it’s cruel, cruel to want you with me when all I do is hurt you,”  
  
“I hurt you too, Rob,” Aaron says, wanting to reach out and touch his ex-husband.  
  
“I betrayed you, Aaron,” Robert says quietly. “In the worst way. I hurt you on purpose,”  
  
“I know,” Aaron sighs. It still stings his heart, that everything had fallen apart, that the life he wanted to lead was nothing more than shreds anymore.  
  
“Did you mean it?” Robert asks, glancing up at Aaron. “What you said to Liv,”  
  
“I never stopped, I don’t think I ever will,” Aaron admits, worrying his lip.  
  
Robert looks down at the hay underneath his fingers and Aaron knows he’s thinking about all the memories they forged in here, all the times they spent together in hushed whispers and chaste kisses.  
  
“I just...I’ve lost him and I don’t know what to do now,” He admits, a blade of hay twirling between his fingers.  
  
“Me neither,” Aaron says, lip still caught between his teeth. He leans in closer, his arm moving to curl around Robert’s shoulder as though to support the older man. There’s no need for sex, no need to be close in that way. “But you’ll get through it. You’ll fight for what is right because you always have,”  
  
Robert nods wordlessly. “I’ll try,”  
  
Aaron smiles softly, his hand moving to gently connect with Robert’s. The older man flinches slightly at the contact, his glance hesitant and questioning. But Aaron says nothing, swipes his thumb over Robert’s knuckles.  
  
“There’s the Robert I know,”  
  
The Robert he knows, the Robert that’s changing, the Robert that he’s still in love with. Aaron feels Robert lean into him - but this time, it’s for comfort, not for pleasure. He sighs as Robert’s warmth curls over his skin, his thumb still stroking circles into the older man’s skin.  
  
“We’ll be okay,” Aaron says softly.  
  
_We’ll_ . They’re not together, not like that, but they always will be connected in some way.  
  
“Mates then?” Robert glances at Aaron.  
  
“Mates,” Aaron repeats, a soft smile on his face.  
  
_Mates_. Maybe for now, it’s enough for the both of them to heal, to see what happens. There’s no need for rules - sometimes they’re meant to be broken, to be changed.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr - lucasdigrassis


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